8 years.

The last time i post something in here was apparently 8 years ago.

I randomly open this blog, read my past posts since way back in 2009, 10 years ago, back when i was in college. it was fascinating reading my old self, i sounded so cheerful in those, i asked myself, was i that happy, that happy go lucky back then? i know things were simpler, but i also know deep down inside i hide so many things, which then explode in 2010.

Looking back, i guess i realized many things, how the road was never that easy, how time passed by so fast yet so slow, how it took that much for me to now understand myself better, maybe not completely, but surely better than back then. But, there is something inside of me that also tells me, that it was not all lie, i was that grateful of life, not that i'm not now, but it's just different, it feels like reading a perspective of a different person, not a lie, just a different person. i guess it is about being an adult, about growing up, that you think of different problems and matters, but there are still a bit of you (or many?) that left unchanged since that time. so many things jumbled through my mind, but i have yet found the right words to express it. it was like reading a time capsule, and the affect is lasting a bit longer.

I write this post, to make it as a circle somehow, to be read again, someday, some other time. to further realize the stark differences of being a 20 something and a 30 something i am today. i will write again, maybe, to continue this post, when i have gather my thoughts.

Birthday Girl!

my best friend is having her 23th birthday, and wish her nothing but the best. love you dear! :)

i matter.

Say what you mean and mean what you say, because people that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind.

i terribly like the quote above. i am one to say what i want straightforwardly, not everyone can accept it, but that's just how it is. sometimes i even say too much. too much information, or maybe too much details. i am one of those people who talks about almost everything.

i can have long chitchat about non sense when i have too. emphasize on HAVE to. have means when at work, to my clients or bosses. but most of the time, it was tiring to be fake. not saying i'm not sincerely being nice, its just for certain people i just have to fake it off.

related to the quote above and why i like it so much. is the fact that i always explained everything i said, and most of the time i always meant what i say.

i hate people who often held themselves back, because they were simply mind. with many reasons, some were afraid that the other end will be angry, some were afraid people will think bad about them, etc.

you see, in my personal opinion, misunderstanding happened because people mind saying what they truly means. and misunderstanding can led you to losing your opportunity, chances, and time. when you can say the truth, why should lie? honesty is surely the best policy.

i'm not being a prude nor a saint though. trust me, i do lies. when needed and usually for unimportant things. like when my father asked me why i got home late at night on weekends, things like many young people do lies about.

but here's a secret i'd like to share. one of my utmost goal in life is simply to be matter. to be remember. and to touch someone's heart so that when i'm gone people will notice and i will be missed.

so, if by saying what i mean, by constantly trying to be true to myself, trying to be honest is what makes me matter, then i just have to try and do what i have been doing.

that is one nice quote, don't you think? :)