Adieu 2009!

in about 48 hours or so, we're going to hit another year mark. and at that time we shall say Adieu 2009! Welcome 2010!

2009 has been a meaningful year, as i found something new about myself, people around me, and the world in general. I gain and i loss, for example my weight. this year alone i have loss about 5 kilos and ended up gaining it back. talk about what goes around comes around, huh?

Its been a very dramatic year for me and my family, as my world has been turned upside down because of it (my weight loss was partly because of this, other than the magic my Doctor has injected me with). This year I got to feel as a backbone of my family despite of being the youngest. those screams and tears now washed away, and it has been good. i mean REALLY good. Can't thank Allah SWT enough for all of these.

I also have experienced a soul searching quest, although im not traveling anywhere in search for it, simply just looking back into what i have become. This quest can be finished with a huge help from my new found interest. Korean thingies. at first i was ashamed for liking those things, because i used to be the one who mocked those thing in a very badly manner. But, i have found joy in it, as i can laugh a lot and washed away my depression. after having too much laugh, you cannot not be stronger. because i did. i face obstacles in my life with rather positive and calmer attitude. and i feel like i've become a better person. On a side note, i do gain negative impact from being in 3 months of not being in contact with almost everyone. i have become more and more introvert. i used to be a BIG people person, but now i can easily feel awkward while meeting new people. well, i guess this is something that i have to fix in 2010.

I spent another year with my very splendid yet annoying best friends. i reconnect with some of my old friends and suddenly we got to meet more often than in 2008. and as for my very berry best friend (you know who you are), yea they're always there despite the fights, lies and mocks, deep down inside i think we do love each other (well i hope so), although now it has been very hard to meet up with them, and to keep in constant contact with them. i think i will still be spending a lot of times with them in years to come.

College has been very challenging, and i have to be prepared for more of it next year in 2010 as i have to deal with thesis and such. I really do hope it'll be running smoothly. because i HAVE to graduate next year. (say BIG AMEN for that please).

I also enter the wild world that often people phrase as working. i got to experienced a very challenging phase and important step in my life. this is my very first real job. i work as an Account Executive at a small event organizer. although its small, i got to learn soo many things, and it fit my college schedule. i wish next year i'll improve at work, and better yet after i graduate (AMEN) i will find a better job with a better salary.

Boyfriend has been there for 5 years and some months, has been a low point and high point of my life. things have been hard (partly my fault, blame the 3 months of extreme introvert-ness -is that even a word?-) but we have tried to make things a little better and it seems to work although we're still bumping here and there. as i always says dear, just follow the path and love each other, and may God do the rest.

There are soo many things happened in 365 days, i cant even remember everything from every single day. But i think things that have to be said, already spoken. soo..

Thank you for every single thing you have given me 2009, at times i'll probably visit you to reminiscing the good old times. Adieu!

And may 2010 become a prosperous year for all of us!


Regards,
Rani

get a kick out of it.

"Friends and family came and went,
sometimes helping her with her tears,
other times making her laugh.
But even in her laughter there was something missing.
She never seemed to be truly happy;
she just seemed to be passing time while she waited for something else.
She was tired of just existing; she wanted to live.
But what was the point in living when there was no life in it?
These questions went through her mind over and over until she reached the point of not wanting to wake up from her dreams--they were what felt real.
Deep down, she knew it was normal to feel like this, she didn't particularly think she was losing her mind.
She knew that one day she would be happy again and that this feeling would just be a distant memory.
It was getting to that day that was the hard part." - Cecelia Ahern.



Just saying ...



regards,

Rany.

am i too autistic or what ?

when i'm avoiding my social life for a month, what does that make me? am i an anti-socialist? but i simply feel better when i'm alone, busy with my own mind and doing things that i like.. it's not like i never go out anymore, i still going out from time to time.. but eventhough i'm in the most crowded place, i still manage to busy with things in my mind, you see like when i was swimming with my family in some public swimming pool, i manage to turn off everything that surrounds me, well the exact term maybe daydreaming.

the funny thing is i realize what i did, i simply choose to turn off everything, that made me hear and see less.. when i turn on again every senses in my body, suddenly the world is loud and i'm focusing again, it was like i was in a trans before.. i realized a lot of things about my life after i spent some "me time" in such long hours.. all the mistakes and wrong dos i did, but its all done and i don't think i can't put it better than, i simply don't care anymore.. when i'm being peaceful with myself, i also made peace with everything that goes wrong in my life, and so i should start things over and better..

but the thing that i think should have to be immediately fix is my relationship with my best friends isn't it? haha yeah i guess i'm a little bit harsh to them, like when i'm not picking up their calls when i'm not in the mood and lies to cut off the phone calls. i'm usually not this kind of person, i'm always too blunt, when i'm not in the mood, i used to pick up their phone and just telling them straight that they should call me later because i'm not in a place to make a phone call, they seems to understand that side of me, eventhough still cursing me every now and then, well yeah i won't blame them, LOL. i think the reason they're pretty understandable is because they know, if they were truly needs me i'll be there in an instance, it just for the unimportant chit chats that i skipped.

i think this autistic behavior only temporary, well i hope so, fingers crossed?

as for my relationship with my best friends, i must say i'm not really worry about it.. they know me too well.. hopefully they'll wait me back to the "outside world" with open arms.. i probably just need a week or two to open up to them again.. we're like a family, so i know they'll be there no matter how silly i must be..

to add it up : this is as honest as you could get me peeps.

kisses.