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Thursday, July 16, 2009

am i too autistic or what ?

when i'm avoiding my social life for a month, what does that make me? am i an anti-socialist? but i simply feel better when i'm alone, busy with my own mind and doing things that i like.. it's not like i never go out anymore, i still going out from time to time.. but eventhough i'm in the most crowded place, i still manage to busy with things in my mind, you see like when i was swimming with my family in some public swimming pool, i manage to turn off everything that surrounds me, well the exact term maybe daydreaming.

the funny thing is i realize what i did, i simply choose to turn off everything, that made me hear and see less.. when i turn on again every senses in my body, suddenly the world is loud and i'm focusing again, it was like i was in a trans before.. i realized a lot of things about my life after i spent some "me time" in such long hours.. all the mistakes and wrong dos i did, but its all done and i don't think i can't put it better than, i simply don't care anymore.. when i'm being peaceful with myself, i also made peace with everything that goes wrong in my life, and so i should start things over and better..

but the thing that i think should have to be immediately fix is my relationship with my best friends isn't it? haha yeah i guess i'm a little bit harsh to them, like when i'm not picking up their calls when i'm not in the mood and lies to cut off the phone calls. i'm usually not this kind of person, i'm always too blunt, when i'm not in the mood, i used to pick up their phone and just telling them straight that they should call me later because i'm not in a place to make a phone call, they seems to understand that side of me, eventhough still cursing me every now and then, well yeah i won't blame them, LOL. i think the reason they're pretty understandable is because they know, if they were truly needs me i'll be there in an instance, it just for the unimportant chit chats that i skipped.

i think this autistic behavior only temporary, well i hope so, fingers crossed?

as for my relationship with my best friends, i must say i'm not really worry about it.. they know me too well.. hopefully they'll wait me back to the "outside world" with open arms.. i probably just need a week or two to open up to them again.. we're like a family, so i know they'll be there no matter how silly i must be..

to add it up : this is as honest as you could get me peeps.

kisses.

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