Cry Baby Cry.

i need to fix my support system, my mind and restore some of my emotions back.

because i feel like crying these last few days, but i can't.

my life has been great lately, but these deadlines chasing me non stop and time flies.
i got ichwan thoha's boutique project to be open this 2nd june, yet it still has to be finish.
maybe lack around 10 percent, and hopefully it will be great and people will like the interior.
since people who invited to the grand opening/fashion show are including media and important peeps in Indonesia's fashion world. that will be a great and free promotion, hopefully we can gain another customer. *fingers crossed

Oh, the one and only thesis. only-2 weeks-left-oh-fudge! this is the ultimate turn down in my life right now. i still can't get through the company where i'm doing my research at. i got to running with time, no options left. and i have to pick up my mood to finish this.. to convince myself that i can finish it. because i have lost the will to finish it after 2 weeks chasing the company's PR and got nothing. Oh so help me God..

and the last thing, it's about my love life, which the last thing in my mind lately. but a recent event caught me off guard and bring some old pain and memories back. make me realize that i haven't really forgive and forget. it wreck me back then, and the pieces apparently haven't put back together. but since it's not involving me anymore, i wont do anything.. this is just a sickness because of a traumatic event back then.. but then again what's in the past stay in the past.. i will work my hardest to live for my future. it's better for me to don't know anything at all about her right now.. i was once thinking if someday he come back as a new and improve person, then i won't mind try to start from zero.. but now i don't know.. i had enough proves now.. i'm broken now, but i believe my best friend will help to put things back, better-than-ever.. :)

Gahh, so many things that makes me sad. but i feel better after lots of talk with my best friends. but i do need this really.. i forget the last time i feel so lost and then be found.. i need to cry once in a while so i won't explode because all the feelings that bottled up inside me. i pray a little more to God, asking for help.. and i think the answer came to me in a form of my fabulous friends.

aah, and i want to mention few quotes that my friends told me :

"i thought you don't have any emotions" - Rian
that word really made me laugh and make me realize that i have never show a fragile side of me to people, that's why people misunderstood me a lot, and always think that i don't need any help. but really it's the contrary. i need people to think that i'm not that tough once in a while, so they will show their support for me a little more..

"punya orang yang bener-bener sayang sama kita itu menyenangkan banget monch. take your time" - Ninta
God, it feels sweet and sad and encouraging all at once. i guess i have to wait for someone who really love me, takes a good care of me, understand me and won't hurt me over silly things like other women and stuff. i'm done with all the drama. it make me realize that i deserves better than this..

and they all say that i will survive like i always do. it's a good thing they really believe in me like that, but guys, you should know that i am really not that tough. hehe.

work a little harder, pray a little more, and smile. then maybe all the problems will go away.

You know what you got from watching TV? Nothing.

so, these last couple months (if not a year) i rarely be seen in front of tv.
apparently my blood pressure will go sky high and cost my life span shorter

well, not that bad.. but it probably is if i check my blood pressure regularly.

so i've just came across an article about how Mr. Boediono, Indonesia VP says that Ujian Nasional (National Exam) is not enough to build a person character. as much as i am grateful that he realized that, i can't help but to say "Helloooo, where have you been??"

and after i read this article, i can't help but to think about the reason why i despise local TV so much. so, i have this question.. how much do you think a student spent their time studying, and compare it to how much they watch TV?

i was a student my self, so i know that they'll spent most of their time in front of tv.
i was craving for entertainment and i didn't know any better to consume whatever they offered. i used to watch reality shows like "katakan cinta", "playboy kabel", even sinetron (local tv series). i was attached and believe all those things. did it do me any good? NO.
Thank God i'm a geek that read so much too. i read all serious stuff from when i was little, mario puzo, john grisham even marga t and other literature. those books gave me a better point of view towards life rather than those tv shows. period.

and i don't know if it's only me who realized it, but i think local shows are getting seriously worsen. i can't stand 5 minutes watching anything. i always ended up watching star world, e news or any other cable channels.
the reality shows fever started 10 years ago with katakan cinta and H2C, and when it's getting old, i thought it would stop, but guess what? others follow it and make different version of it. okay, so i probably should appreciate their creativity, but is that creativity give anything good? again NO.
What i hate the most is reality shows with dramatic love and religious concept, WE ALL KNOW IT WAS FAKE, well at least i knew, the acting was so bad and obvious.. and i can't help but wondering what on earth the production staff had in their mind to make such degrading so called reality shows?
didn't they knew any better that a lot of kids watching it? and could possibly learn from it?
do they have to learn about other family problems, in which the mother and children fighting and screaming, and all covered with a "reality" concept. even sinetron that definitely a fiction can affect other perception and act, can you imagine how far this "reality" can take those kids who didn't know any better??

the infotainment is definitely another trashy shows that local TV in Indonesia happily spreading it, the only decent one is probably Insert at trans tv but it probably because of the MCs. they said Infotainment is in the same form with news program, can they say it again with straight face? if they can, their acting skill must be amazing. how come it's a news program when the artist says A, then the presenter will say B, RIGHT AFTER the artist finish talking.. they try so hard to make news and twisting it in a way that it doesn't even make sense.

the only thing i watched in local tv is news program, but that's not exactly good either. there are two majors news station in Indonesia, and one of them is pretty new around here. they claim to be the best, but is it really? a lot of people already complaining on how this certain tv station, have unprofessional and unskilled news anchor and reporter. and they often milking it when there are major events going on. like one time, when there's an earthquake in west sumatra, the reporter REALLY asking a father who just lost his house and entire family, how did he feel.. it's really terrible and i even questioned did that person ever go to school or at least a human being? well that's just one example..

as for sinetron, don't get me started with it.. this post will be longer than it already is. to put it in a simple way, sinetron is everything that gone wrong in a study about broadcasting or cinematography. the hundreds of episode with no exact storyline, over the top acting, cheap production budget, and even worse.. a plagiarize story. UGH.

every time i turn on TV and one of these shows come up, i will getting angry and rant on my twitter or just talking to myself. i can't stand it. the majority of local shows gave no education for younger generation.. only a couple decent shows like Bolang and other travelling shows that portray Indonesia's culture worth watching.

so, if the VP wants to build younger generation's character, UN is definitely not a way for it. no question needed. they should've asking on whether local shows do anything to build one character or not. because seriously, UN is only happening once a year, whereas TV programs airing 24/7.

do the math please. save the little kids.


Regards,

R

one month left.

one month left for my thesis to get done.

and i wish i have more drive to finish it..

when the date hit 16th june, i'll post on how things finally go down..
because to tell you the truth, i have no idea how to get things done right now

so, to future me, i want to tell you.. thank you
to finally settle things and got it done
and i'll propose to future me a long long hours of sleep
so my mind and body can rest
and then i will give the future me, one hell of a summer break

before the reality kicking in.. that is..


see you in a month future me!


PS. This is not a crazy person's blog, she's just losing her mind a little


kisses

R

i feel old.

i feel.. lost.

nah, its an over statement. life has been.. good and i have been feeling grateful.
i've been thanking God, for me having such wonderful long time best friends.

but, school sucks. nothing new i guess. i bet you all have been in my position..

i feel like bawling every time i remember my thesis.
because truth be told, i, sometimes don't know what to write.
i feel equally like crap and terrified, to the point where i can't do anything..
i have once staring blankly to my laptop for a freaking 2 hours!
and ended up playing solitaire, lame. i know.

i should've turn to God in times like these, and i have been trying to..

on the other note, a happy one.. my best friend Resik is having her 23rd birthday today!

me and my friends gave her cupcakes with things she own or like as the fondant,
looks yummy and pretty..

the fondants are : yaris, macbook, travel bag, channel bag
bikini, iphone, sunglasses. those are things that she likes and own

too bad a lot of my friends and her college friends can't come to the actual surprise
when you grow old, apparently there are so many responsibilities you have to handle
and you can't easily go out anymore. oh God, i feel old.
and to remember exactly one year ago, all of us, gave her surprise at Bandar Djakarta makes me sad
it seems days like that won't easily come anymore.. from fully team and now down to two, yeah it's just me and fitri..

me and fitri with the birthday girl!

but still, i wish nothing but the best for the birthday girl, and to say it out loud..
i freaking miss my friends, and all of us hanging out together on weekends, even on weekdays
simply doing nothing, just laugh and play stupid games or sports
but things have changed, i broke up, my best friend broke up, people move on..
we're still in one circle, but to wish nothing will be different is just.. unrealistic, i guess.

growing old do sucks. well, anyway happy birthday resik!

oh the irony.


R