Cry Baby Cry.

i need to fix my support system, my mind and restore some of my emotions back.

because i feel like crying these last few days, but i can't.

my life has been great lately, but these deadlines chasing me non stop and time flies.
i got ichwan thoha's boutique project to be open this 2nd june, yet it still has to be finish.
maybe lack around 10 percent, and hopefully it will be great and people will like the interior.
since people who invited to the grand opening/fashion show are including media and important peeps in Indonesia's fashion world. that will be a great and free promotion, hopefully we can gain another customer. *fingers crossed

Oh, the one and only thesis. only-2 weeks-left-oh-fudge! this is the ultimate turn down in my life right now. i still can't get through the company where i'm doing my research at. i got to running with time, no options left. and i have to pick up my mood to finish this.. to convince myself that i can finish it. because i have lost the will to finish it after 2 weeks chasing the company's PR and got nothing. Oh so help me God..

and the last thing, it's about my love life, which the last thing in my mind lately. but a recent event caught me off guard and bring some old pain and memories back. make me realize that i haven't really forgive and forget. it wreck me back then, and the pieces apparently haven't put back together. but since it's not involving me anymore, i wont do anything.. this is just a sickness because of a traumatic event back then.. but then again what's in the past stay in the past.. i will work my hardest to live for my future. it's better for me to don't know anything at all about her right now.. i was once thinking if someday he come back as a new and improve person, then i won't mind try to start from zero.. but now i don't know.. i had enough proves now.. i'm broken now, but i believe my best friend will help to put things back, better-than-ever.. :)

Gahh, so many things that makes me sad. but i feel better after lots of talk with my best friends. but i do need this really.. i forget the last time i feel so lost and then be found.. i need to cry once in a while so i won't explode because all the feelings that bottled up inside me. i pray a little more to God, asking for help.. and i think the answer came to me in a form of my fabulous friends.

aah, and i want to mention few quotes that my friends told me :

"i thought you don't have any emotions" - Rian
that word really made me laugh and make me realize that i have never show a fragile side of me to people, that's why people misunderstood me a lot, and always think that i don't need any help. but really it's the contrary. i need people to think that i'm not that tough once in a while, so they will show their support for me a little more..

"punya orang yang bener-bener sayang sama kita itu menyenangkan banget monch. take your time" - Ninta
God, it feels sweet and sad and encouraging all at once. i guess i have to wait for someone who really love me, takes a good care of me, understand me and won't hurt me over silly things like other women and stuff. i'm done with all the drama. it make me realize that i deserves better than this..

and they all say that i will survive like i always do. it's a good thing they really believe in me like that, but guys, you should know that i am really not that tough. hehe.

work a little harder, pray a little more, and smile. then maybe all the problems will go away.