:)

so i cannot stop smiling today.
i am so thrilled, that i have been smiling ear to ear the whole day.
and i have been daydreaming, remembering the things that made me smile.
i feel like i am glowing for God sakes!
the corniest line that ever came out of my mouth, will be when i say "i even feel tired because of the non stop smiling!"
oh dear, so this is how it feel isn't? i forgot the feeling.
exhilarating yet scary. i am falling free and i should prepare when i hit the ground hard..
so i should just enjoy it, right? the sensation in my guts when i am falling, the view from above, and the feeling of flying high..

i feel like tweeting but i can't. i pour out on this blog but i still have to be discreet. i feel like bursting.

still.. i am happy. not just because of today, but because of the fact that i can feel this way again..

:)

Nguping Jakarta.

so i've got my story posted on Nguping Jakarta. *grin

Kalau kotor nanti ditilang!

Ibu: "Nak! Pake serbetnya! Itu banyak polisi!"

Dalam sebuah mobil di Sudirman, didengar adik kakak yang berpikir ibunya ingin menyuapi mereka lagi.

Posted by Nguping Jakarta at 8:11 PM

My mom often said funny out-of-the-world kind of remarks. me and my sisters always got a good laughs about that. nevertheless, i love you Mom. your funny remarks got me on Nguping Jakarta! (not that important, but still.. *grin)

Just another post.

so after posting my latest entry, i was scrolling down to read my old ones.
and i got struck on how unhappy i've sound 2 years ago.
like i had lost direction, and sounds so.. lonely.
and i am sure as hell i have never been lonely, because i got friends, family and even a boyfriend back then.
shoot, i must've living my life just like that, and wasting time. that's why i sounded like that.
or maybe.. just maybe.. my old life was just a routine. a comfort zone, which actually not that comforting but i cannot let go.
to be in a better place since a year ago and maintaining things till now, need a lot of determination.
thank God i am able to get through it all.
but i am a bit unhappy lately, so i am afraid of things will becoming just like then.
knocks three times on the wood. i don't want to ruin my life because of unimportant things.
ah, i really should learn to let go of things.

Mind over matter.

i am left abashed by the sudden turns of things.
clenching my fists and jaw, and cringe my face every time i remember it.
i am not one who can get tease, and stay cool. i am bit old fashioned like that.
but i hate how people misinterpret me. because things got a little bit out of control and awkward.

i have this determination, that i should stop. because i really really hate situation like this.
and then again, i kinda think.. i have to be my old self, where everything are under my control, even my own feeling.
i should not care, nor interested. for God sake, it's not good for my health.

just like what i have retweeted yesterday "it's a matter of mind over matter".
it should never be the other way around.
just like what i used to say "if i think i am happy, believe that i am indeed happy, therefore i will be happy" as simple as that. period.
it should be just like that in this situation. i won't give in.
i just need to spend a lot more time with other people, find a new comfortable zone, whilst holding tightly to my usual peers.

i really really hate situation like this and it's fucking uncomfortable.
i am kinda in rage right now. and i feel like cursing to the whole lot.

hope for a brand new day tomorrow and simply content and be happy again.

then again, on the other note, tomorrow should be perfect, as my best friends will be officially engage.
Congratulations Ninta & Arya! wishing you both a happiness through and through. :)

unsettled heart.

have been anxious this whole afternoon, turns out my mom is sick at home.
a daughter's premonition? or am i just making an assumption on baseless ground?

then again i do have another thing that make me anxious..

to you, whom i have been searching for all day without me even realizing it..
whom i have a good impression with. who can easily makes me laugh.
yeah you, i probably fall for you..
but i think it's not worth it. and the horror is, its probably a force majeure kind of situation.

so, please.. be still.





















be still my beating heart.
whether it was the premonition.. or it was me falling hard..
be still.
as i have been anxious all day. i cannot concentrate.

Reassurance?

time flies, and suddenly i have been single for a year.
never care to be in a relationship or something close to it after that.
being busy with works and simply bonding with friends and family.
and it's more than enough.. until now apparently..

when i got out of my 5 years long relationship, it felt like my energy that has been drawn in those 5 years have to be recharge as soon as possible. and i have been out and about with my peers.
reconnect to some old friends that have drew apart due to me being busy with my then boyfriend.
and i have been happy this year, have been having a blast. find myself back and me, my family and my friend are all in the best state ever, our relationship couldn't be more close.

now, something is a little bit off, i am craving for something more..
whether its because of someone or something, is still the question that needed to be answered
and with that said, i just can't wait to know what the future has in its pocket for me..

Loves,
Rani